Let's Talk BBQ
General => General Discussion & Topics => General Discussion => Topic started by: deestafford on May 26, 2013, 02:28:01 PM
-
The other day I was checking out at the Kroger register (which by the way is a good place to check out when leaving a store) and they lady working the register saw my Purple Heart ball cap and said her Daddy served in Korea and has a Purple Heart. During our conversation she told me that he never talked about the war and it was just a few years ago that she found out he had a Purple Heart and some other medals. Then she said she just couldn't understand why he didn't want to talk about it and "let it all out". I told her that most don't talk about it except maybe to others who were there. Only they understand.
After I was walking to my truck two things dawned on me. The first was the impression that we all who have been in combat have "it bottled up inside which needs to be let out". To me that is hog wash. It's hog wash that has been created by the media and others who think that anyone who has been in combat is scarred psychologically and are just walking around with some type of fuse inside of us that is just going off any minute if we don't "talk to someone and let it out''. Granted, combat changed us...some more than others both physically and mentally and for some it was for the better in both categories. I don't think there is anything in the majority of us who has something that we need to let out. Some of these whom you see "going off the deep end" were nuts to start with and some are doing it for attention and had never left the States or, in some cases, never in the military. Granted, it did damage some badly mentally. Just as an aside, Sen Ted Kennedy had someone on his staff (I think he was the senator's chief of staff), who claimed to have the Medal of Honor. When the truth came out not only did he not have the MOH he had never been in the military.
Second. In my opinion, the reason most of us don't tell "war stories" to those who have not been there is people won't understand the tone in which we talk about what happened. You see, most of the time we do talk to each other there is a lot of humor involved in the telling. Such as, "You won't believe it but that d@mn VC sniper shot tracer rounds right between my legs!! After I jumped in the canal, which helped clean my britches, we took his @ss out and we left him dangling from a rope where he was tied in the tree." You see, there is sort of a "black humor" among those who have "been there". Why do we laugh and joke about it even though it was dangerous and your fellow soldiers may have gotten wounded or even died? I don't know. But to me that's just the way it is and that, in MY opinion, is why veterans won't talk about their war experiences.
Dee
-
Very well said. Thanks for expressing this.
Ed
-
Dee...
Thank you for your service.
I was on AD with the AF in VN toward the end of the conflict flying CH-53 choppers. Coming off active duty I joined the Reserves flying C-130s and later serving as an operations officer with ARSS.
I rarely -- very rarely -- discuss my service. I was just doing a job!
I'm a life member of the VFW and have caught many "posers" claiming military service that just didn't sound right. One time a guy came in the post wearing a green Nomex flight jacket with senior pilot wings pinned on it (not the leather [now cloth] patch that's used on flight gear) and none of the correct insignia. I challenged him and he was so FOS!! He said he was an F-4 pilot... problem with that is the AF didn't fly F-4s!
I have a few awards and commendations but I don't wear the lapel pins.
Mike
-
I'm a life member of the VFW and have caught many "posers" claiming military service that just didn't sound right. One time a guy came in the post wearing a green Nomex flight jacket with senior pilot wings pinned on it (not the leather [now cloth] patch that's used on flight gear) and none of the correct insignia. I challenged him and he was so FOS!! He said he was an F-4 pilot... problem with that is the AF didn't fly F-4s!
I have a few awards and commendations but I don't wear the lapel pins.
Mike
...and that is why most do not talk about it. There is no need to explain to those who understand.
-
Yup
-
My dad was a veteran of WWII, the Korean conflict and two tours of 'Nam as an 'advisor'. He rarely discussed his experiences.....he only would say "you wouldn't understand." and left it at that.
-
The other day I was checking out at the Kroger register (which by the way is a good place to check out when leaving a store) and they lady working the register saw my Purple Heart ball cap and said her Daddy served in Korea and has a Purple Heart. During our conversation she told me that he never talked about the war and it was just a few years ago that she found out he had a Purple Heart and some other medals. Then she said she just couldn't understand why he didn't want to talk about it and "let it all out". I told her that most don't talk about it except maybe to others who were there. Only they understand.
After I was walking to my truck two things dawned on me. The first was the impression that we all who have been in combat have "it bottled up inside which needs to be let out". To me that is hog wash. It's hog wash that has been created by the media and others who think that anyone who has been in combat is scarred psychologically and are just walking around with some type of fuse inside of us that is just going off any minute if we don't "talk to someone and let it out''. Granted, combat changed us...some more than others both physically and mentally and for some it was for the better in both categories. I don't think there is anything in the majority of us who has something that we need to let out. Some of these whom you see "going off the deep end" were nuts to start with and some are doing it for attention and had never left the States or, in some cases, never in the military. Granted, it did damage some badly mentally. Just as an aside, Sen Ted Kennedy had someone on his staff (I think he was the senator's chief of staff), who claimed to have the Medal of Honor. When the truth came out not only did he not have the MOH he had never been in the military.
Second. In my opinion, the reason most of us don't tell "war stories" to those who have not been there is people won't understand the tone in which we talk about what happened. You see, most of the time we do talk to each other there is a lot of humor involved in the telling. Such as, "You won't believe it but that d@mn VC sniper shot tracer rounds right between my legs!! After I jumped in the canal, which helped clean my britches, we took his @ss out and we left him dangling from a rope where he was tied in the tree." You see, there is sort of a "black humor" among those who have "been there". Why do we laugh and joke about it even though it was dangerous and your fellow soldiers may have gotten wounded or even died? I don't know. But to me that's just the way it is and that, in MY opinion, is why veterans won't talk about their war experiences.
Dee
Good post Dee, and Thank You for your service.
I am not a veteran (at age 55 now, was too young for Viet Nam), but quite a few family members are, as well as many friends. It's hard to feel /understand some things if you haven't walked in their boots. It just seems from my experience with my family and friends, those who have seen the most, speak the least of their past. I just respect that and well, with some you can see the stories in their eyes. I am both proud and honored to have these folks in my life.
-
Now Turtle, if I had told that side of the war experiences T would have had to take away my "moderator" tag as he says this here thing is read by wives and children ( I seriously doubt the latter given the current education system) and then the whole thing would have been shut down because of the the yankee government's diversity requirement of some ignorance on the part of at least one moderator. Dee
-
Thank you Dee. It just dawned on me that I never really had anybody in my life who served in combat. Dad was in the navy, but was out out before Vietnam.
I guess my love and respect for he military comes from love of country.
-
As a wise man once said, the only difference between a fairy tale and a war story is that a fairy tale begins with "Once upon a time..." while a war story starts with "And this is no $hit..."
-
Thanks, Dee.
I have two uncles who immigrated (legally and privately paid like all of my family) before WWII. They joined the military when the US entered the war. One went down on the USS Jarvis. The other was shot down in a B17 over Germany and was a POW for two years.
After a couple of months at home he sat all the family members down and said something like, "You have been asking me about the time in the POW camp. Tonight I'll tell you everything and answer your questions. Then we'll never talk about it again."
He did and the family honored his request.
-
Dee,
Wonderful post! I spent my time in the U.S. Navy in or around fast attack nuclear submarines during the Cold War. An interesting time of my life that I will never forget.
Art
-
I rarely -- very rarely -- discuss my service. I was just doing a job!
I'm a life member of the VFW and have caught many "posers" claiming military service that just didn't sound right. I have a few awards and commendations but I don't wear the lapel pins.
X2 ... 2 tours in Nam ... Enough said ...
-
Only did one and glad I got out with most of me intact!
-
Any non vets that's interested a good book is "boys of 67" about Charlie company in VN. I have met some of these men in the book and been able to talk about their service. The only thing they told me the book could not get across is the smell in the Mekong Delta where they served. Gave me a better idea of what it takes to be a American Soldier.
-
It is a private experience that is difficult to translate into a public dialogue. Most do not feel comfortable talking about it - not because it is something to be ashamed of...but because the experience is so foreign and bizarre to most - that it is not something that makes for good "dinner conversation".
T
-
Dee, my Dad never talked about his time in the military until he waw getting into the mid stages of dementia. He was on the battleship USS Nevada and while he never was on the ground fighting they saw their share of combat during every major battle in the South Pacific in WWII. He talked about the suicide planes that attacked them and killed all his friends in the gun turret next to him and being awake for 2 weeks at a time while they bombarded the islands of Iwo Jima and Okinawa. He was a gunners mate and his job was to dial in the coordinates that the forward spotters called in to make the large 14 inch guns hit their target. He basically aimed the guns and gave the command to fire. He was worried that he was personally responsible for killing thousands of Japanese and that he might not be able to go to heaven to be with my Mom. Luckily through a friend I was able to find a preacher who was a Marine on the ground in the same battles who was able to talk to him and give him some peace of mind.
-
teesquare, I think you are absolutely correct (at least for me). It's not something that makes for general conversation. What may have happened and how it may have happened is generally beyond the knowledge base of anyone that hasn't been in that situation. This makes it very difficult to carry on a two-way conversation.