Tips, Tricks & Just Good Advice! > Burn it in the Back Yard with Hub!

Something for Newbies

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Hub:
Newbies:  What Kind Of Cooker Is Best For You?
The Answer May Not Be One At All!

Think about that for a minute.  We get into some interesting and well qualified discussions hereabouts concerning what the best cooker might be and why, even hypothesizing what appliance we’d glom onto if we could have only one device.  Chances are these discussions will always take place because they are interesting and responding to them gives us a chance to kick in a vote for our own preferences here and there.  Great discussion!

Herein I’m going to take it to the next level and propose (because I’ve written thousands of words on the topic for several years in several places) that we UNDERSTAND what we seek and expand our thinking a bit toward understanding how our own needs and wants match up with available hardware and methodology.  My purpose herein isn’t to stop any discussion (indeed, I hope it only continues) but to help “Newbies” get a grip on a successful voyage that never ends by quickly grasping what us old timers have learned along the way – and to let old timers share for their benefit at the same time.

My tenet:  Your cooker should match your cooking personality, tastes, and economic priorities.  If you don’t figure them out you’re going to be a lot less satisfied and spend a lot more money.  But, you may have a lot of entertainment during the process, anyway.  Ponder three phases of self-analysis . . .

1.   Figuring out your cooking personality
2.   Matching your taste profile to the cooker’s profile
3.   Comforting your wallet


First round of qualification:  Are you a “fiddler” or are you a “set it and forget it” kind of cook?  Most of us probably wind up somewhere in the middle, struggling to find balance.

My first grill was a cast iron Hibachi and my first smoker was a tin tube thing with a lid, two grates, a water pan, a charcoal pan, and some air dampers.  Both were “fiddlers” dreams.  They required constant attention and mothering to avoid the extremes of raw and burned, often to no avail.  A few times I turned out some good food, but most times I avoided success by getting sidetracked by the telephone, the cooler, the couch, or the call of nature.  They were harsh mistresses.

Their replacements (this list is too long to cover them all so this is a summarization for the sake of time and space) were an aluminum “charcoal oven” type grill and a Yoder offset smoker.  Properly loaded and tuned (that probably only took me a decade or so to master) these would grill and smoke, respectively, and also provide some CONTROL over the process that would allow for adult beverage consumption, schmoozing on the patio with guests, and even an occasional lapse into attending to something else providing I didn’t overdo it.  I would likely still own these two devices had I not succumbed to age and increased laziness.  My problem was I wanted excellent results when grilling and smoking, but I still wanted something that would do a large part of it at least semi-automatically.  As I had gotten into competition cookery, too, I desperately wanted something that could alleviate the accompanying sleep deprivation so well known to competition cooks.

Fifty years later I’m still always looking but have achieved a modicum of happiness via adapting my needs and expectations to the qualifications and capabilities of a somewhat pricey but extremely well made pellet grill/smoker and a somewhat pricey variant of the world’s most popular kettle grill.  They cost more than my first new car but my priorities have moved away from what is in the driveway toward what is in the back yard.  Part of getting old, most likely.  If I’d been a really good boy for the last half century I could afford both priorities, but that’s another story.

Alas, even these two fine machines don’t capture one hundred percent of my outdoor cooking needs so I’ve accumulated five or six more “fill in” contraptions for special taste occasions, or (if I’m brutally honest) cluttering up my cook shack because they are “neat”.  I’d buy several more if I had both the room and the dedicated creativity it would take to invent an explanation to my wife as to “why” there is such a burning need for them.  I’m working on that but have learned that timing is everything and now is not the time.

Alas two, I’ve learned something about cooking things over the time span so highly compressed above and that leads to . . .

Second round of qualification:  What tastes good to you and why?  Don’t relax.  It will change.

There’s no accounting for taste and (unless you give into the competition bug like I’ve done) you need only to please yourself.  It’s okay.  It really is.  Be selfish.  If you like it, cook it.  If somebody else doesn’t like it let them cook so you can tell them you don’t like their stuff.  Unless your tastes are really strange, chances are very good that others will like it too, or at least will lie to you enough to qualify you to go on buying the groceries.  “Good Taste” only counts in competition and in running a restaurant.  Screw it!  Grow a thick skin and keep on experimenting with everything you can get your hands on.  Some of it will be edible.  You be the judge.

Alas, from competition I have learned that there is more to outdoor cooking than smoke and sauce.  That sucks.  Life isn’t fair.  I can and have written exponentially about what I call “balance” and it comes from an awakening that occurred over the same half century referenced above.  In short, too much of any one component of the cook (and there are many components to learn) will lead one far astray from barbeque nirvana but may still produce edible results.  It becomes a chase, a quest, and an obsession.  Maybe you’ll be one of the lucky un-obsessed ones.  But, chances are, you’ll still “evolve”.  That sucks.  Life isn’t fair.  Get over it. 

Alas two, you’re going to compromise somewhere down the line in what you think tastes good and why.  It may be forced on you by noticing you’re always eating alone or (more likely) your various and vicarious experimentations will turn up some new flavors and textures that you’ll decide to pursue.  Oh!  I may have just hit upon the reason you’ve joined this particular forum.  That awful, painful admission that you are not the center of the universe and just might, under the right conditions, learn something from sharing ideas, concepts, mistakes, discoveries, and philosophies with other people who have the same disease.  Think of it as a twelve step program where you don’t have to count the steps or admit you have the disease!  Occasionally, life doesn’t suck and is fair.

What this all adds up to is that the grill, smoker, or other “thing” you bought out of infatuation and curiosity last week or last year may (sort of overnight in some cases) relatively suddenly fail you.  Like divorce and death, it will have its phases for you to progress through and “denial” will always come first.  As of right now I don’t know a shrink that specializes in this brand of psychology but I’ll post the name and phone of any that I might find stooping so low and who work cheap.

Third round of qualification:  Your priorities with “disposable income” – How cheap are you?  If you have deep pockets, consider adopting me.

Some things are best enjoyed by never summing them up.  I’ve never added up what I’ve spent on outdoor cooking appliances and supplies and accessories and I have limitations imposed upon me by my checkbook, credit card ceilings, and desire to not get single again.  I really need an FEC-100 but unless I can find a source of non-defective lottery tickets it won’t be in my arsenal soon.  Life isn’t fair – but I’ve already pointed that out.

Economists have theorized several kinds of “elasticity” wherein supply and demand are skewed quantitatively by factors that may or may not make sense.  So, I hereby propose that we all have a personal outdoor cooker purchase “elasticity” that is a very personal and very nonsensical thing.  After all, we do have a disease and it needs “drugs” from time to time.

“High Dollar” almost always means high capability and, usually, a pretty good dose of quality, too.  The trouble with that is it costs money.   Ah, but there are occasional bargains that work well.  Read around and you’ll see some grills and smokers that get the job done without keeping you chained to the patio rail and that fit the average budget.  Some are even medium-tech. Some folks have discovered how to prowl the listings and get “gently used” gear for reasonable amounts, too.  Victory always goes to the quick.

Alas, the “price” of being cheap yet still succeeding in snagging a great cooker of any type is being both vigilant and opportunistic.  You’ve got to know what you want and why, then you’ve got to lurk and pounce promptly lest some other tightwad like me beats you to the prize.

SUMMARY

While there are some folks out there who can and do lead rich and fulfilling lives with only one outdoor cooking machine, they are few.  If I were one of them I’d have a bigger house, a nicer car and no nagging worries about what I’m missing because I don’t have a few more toys. 

So, if you’re new to outdoor cooking just be aware that it is a process not an event.  Buy your first machine based on as much concentration as you can muster on:

1.    How much involvement you want to have with learning.  If you’re the type that thrives on the “Getting Started” pamphlet and never reads instruction manuals, doesn’t like to play with settings or evolving methodologies, and is more motivated by the finished product than the process it takes to produce it – elect the simple.  If you are a technician and an experimenter, head in the opposite direction and buy variability.
2.   What turns on your taste buds.  Some machines will roll out enough white smoke to get the Fire Department on edge, some are more moderate, some don’t smoke at all.  Some machines will lock-sear at super temperatures and others will struggle to broil anything.  Some have a wide range of capabilities, most are purpose-designed to do one or two things well.  Where are your priorities?  If you are unsure what the darling of your research can do, don’t buy it until you know it is at least a partial match
3.   You will spend money.  But how much is up to your “elasticity” and your willingness to deal with delayed satisfaction.  You CAN get a lot for the money if you’re patient.  The impatient usually pay more.  Immediate satisfaction has a price.

The one factor I’ve left out of this discourse so far is size.  It matters.  Fortunately, most cooker types come in at least some size variations.  All you really need to know is that you can cook a smaller amount on a big cooker or grill, but that cooking multiple “batches” on a smaller one doesn’t always work out.

Learn.  Have fun.  Share.

Hub

sliding_billy:
Great read hub.  Thanks for posting.  This made me smile.

"If you have deep pockets, consider adopting me."

teesquare:
We (and I mean ALL of us that have been playing with fire for years - ) are often culpable of a disservice to "newbies". That is - WE have forgotten how we got to where we "are" in stream of experience. Someone that is new or unfamiliar with the overwhelming choices and options in today's hyper-marketing driven world can easily succumb to a migraine and whiplash at the same time, and wind up so confused that they decide to "not decide"...and then back away from trying their hand at outdoor cooking.

What has been needed is a way to help folks new at what we all love - is a guide that will help them assess who they are and how to different equipment may/may not fit them for now. As they grow in skill of course - that will change ( like when there is a new girl that is calling their name ;D ) but you have given all newbies an excellent tool to get them headed in the right direction.

Thank you for this fantastic article Hub.

T

ACW3:
Hub,
I see a lot of your story in the two of us.  I first met Hub at a competition BBQ cooking class.  I was introduced to pellet cookers at this class.  Yes, having my own FEC 100 would have been nice, but it was way outside my budget.  We both bought pellet cookers around the same time frame.  We went in different directions, but, I believe, both satisfied our perceived requirements.  After receiving sage advise from many pellet cooking gurus, I decided to overspend up front and not start at the bottom rung of the ladder and move up every couple of years.  At the time I was nearing the top of that ladder.  Glad I did it that way, too.  My wife forgot about the initial cost and, over time, I have been "allowed" to add to my collection.  I have a nice collection of cooking toys, for me.  Some are stored in the garage and the rest are in the house. 

I love your writing.  It brings a smile to my face.  I am glad to call you a friend and fellow BBQ aficionado.  Your post brought back a lot of memories.  Thanks, Hub!

Art

Las Vegan Cajun:

--- Quote from: teesquare on February 05, 2015, 09:05:23 AM ---We (and I mean ALL of us that have been playing with fire for years - ) are often culpable of a disservice to "newbies". That is - WE have forgotten how we got to where we "are" in stream of experience.

--- End quote ---

Oh Yeah.....Have I ever come a long way from my first grilling experience. Way back in the days of my youth my first outdoor cooker was very simple, a magnify glass harnessing the energy from the sun, we would spend the day grilling ants and doodlebugs on the sidewalks.

It was a simple life back in those days, no vents to fiddle with, no lighter fluid or chimney starter method to choose from, no thermometers to monitor, not even a 3-2-1 method.  Just line up the suns rays through the magnifying glass onto the little critter and watch it roast.

I'm forever grateful that I have progressed to more advanced cooking skills and finer quality of morsels to cook.  Thanks to everyone at LTBBQ for helping me along my journey to become a better cook.  ;)

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