A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
Many years later, that same man had not only aged, but had come into a large sum of money. When he did, his wife left him for another man, a highway patrolman, taking with her half the sum of money the man had won. But, no problem, the man still had lots of money left.
So, he bought a very high powered, all-metal, flush-riveted, gull winged Italian sports car. On the way home from the dealer's lot, he decided to see just how fast his car would go and how long it would take to get to that top speed. Next thing you know, he's got the flashing lights and siren of a highway patrolman looming large in his rear view mirror.
"Ahh", thinks the guy. "In my new car, I can outrun this cop."
So, he guns it and begins to pull away. But, common sense tells him that running from cops will only make things worse. So, he pulls over, turns off the engine, lowers his window and puts his hands on the steering wheel where the approaching cop can clearly see them.
The cop approaches the car and says, "You know what? I know you could have gotten away from me, but you stopped. This is the end of my shift, so, here's the deal. If you can give me an ORIGINAL excuse, as in one I've never heard before, I'm going to let you off. So, whats your excuse.
"Well, office", says the man, "some years ago my wife ran off with a highway patrolman and took half of what I had. When I first saw you in the rear view mirror, I was afraid that maybe you were the guy she ran off with and that you were trying to bring her back."
"You're excused" says the cop.
