Thanks! I thought about putting an igniter on every burner but I'm not sure I want to put a lot of time into trying to fix this thing. We're just too unhappy with it. I'm so annoyed I'm actually hoping a bear gets it.
For now, we've decided to just use it as it is and put up with its shortcomings. I'll just have to accept it that I can't make a pizza or something that doesn't get moved around much. Who knows, maybe if we use it more, we'll get used to the problems and figure out ways to work around them.