The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My wife's best female friend sat on my glasses and broke them.
It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
We had a big fight, so my missus packed my bags in a hurry.
As I was pushed out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you $#@%$!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
Went out last night and got really wasted.
I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I got home OK!
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week.
Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris Wheel.
Oh yeah, he is in trouble all right!!!!
